My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
