Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
