He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize