my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
