I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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