how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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