Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
