I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
