Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
