so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
