If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
