This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
