***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
