I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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