I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
