i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
