Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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