You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
