id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
