Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
