went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
