We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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