he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As shirtless as possible
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
