an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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