I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
