You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
