Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
