i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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