You're completely useless in the revolution.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
