Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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