matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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