I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
