Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
