im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
