We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
