wrigley field is MILF paradise
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
