Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize