My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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