i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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