i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
