apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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