I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
