What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
