dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
