I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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