So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
