I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My liver just had a heart attack.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
