I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
