You just made me feel so damn special
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
