my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
