i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
