I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
