After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize