Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
