how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
