i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
