How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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