the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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