Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
