Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
even my farts smell like vagina
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
two words...techno handjob
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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