Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
