Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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