He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
