we have officially lost it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
