I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
