he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
