He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize