I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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