just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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