Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
