he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
