I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
