Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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