Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize