I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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