I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
