Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
