i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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