It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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