I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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