I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
