Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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