There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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