I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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