Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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