my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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