I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
