sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did I show you my penis last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
