If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
