Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
