How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
