it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize