I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
lets start a swedish sibling band together
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
