my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
