im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry about my life...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
