Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no you cant smoke seaweed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
