found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
