i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
