just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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