I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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