I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
