I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
