ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
