It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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