You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
