So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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