my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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