Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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