Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need moral support for this bender
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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