Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
